Sending a Valentine's Day card? 10 tips to follow

I Couldn't Throw It Out, Season 3, Episode 31
Valentine's Day Cards: 10 tips for senders and savers

Michael Small:
Hello and welcome to I Couldn't Throw It Out. I'm Michael Small, a former pop culture journalist who really likes to save things. On this episode, my co-host Sally and I will look through the Valentine's Day cards that I've saved since the 1970s. Then we'll share the 10 important rules you should follow when sending cards on Valentine's Day. Like, what should you do with romantic cards you saved from past lovers? To find out, keep listening.

[Song excerpt begins]

I couldn't throw it out
I had to scream and shout
Before I turned to dust I've got to throw it out

[Song excerpt ends]

Michael Small:
Hello, Sally Libby.

Sally Libby:
Hello, Michael Small.

Michael Small:
I think it's an understatement that I've been feeling upset by the state of the world lately. Can you relate?

Sally Libby:
I can so relate.

Michael Small:
In fact, I went up to the attic to look through my boxes for everything I'd saved related to Valentine's Day. And at first, it just seemed so silly compared to what's going on that I almost ditched the whole thing. But then I looked at the cards people had sent me, my mother, my sisters, my grandmother, my wife, you. And I actually thought, this is more important than I realized.

Sally Libby:
I think we could use a little silly.

Michael Small:
Yes, I agree. And as silly as Valentine's Day can be, some of these cards really truly are about love.

Sally Libby:
And doesn't love conquer all?

Michael Small:
It certainly does. And I think a little more love is exactly what I need right now. And other people may feel the same way. How about you?

Sally Libby:
I definitely do. And I love Valentine's Day.

Michael Small:
There are reasons why you love it, which we share. A lot of these cards that I looked at made me laugh. I certainly could use a reminder to laugh at this stage in American history. So we're going ahead with the episode. And not only that, I realized from looking at these cards that I saved since the 1970s, they actually might have value, not just for me, but for other people too, because we can look at them and we can come up with some very useful do's and don'ts related to sending valentines.

Sally Libby:
Is there a book "Writing Valentines for Dummies"?

Michael Small:
Well, we can write it after we're done with this episode. Okay. I know the idea of keeping Valentine's Day cards kind of goes against the purpose of this podcast. And that's why I'm about to shock you, Sally. Here it is. I don't think it's right to keep every Valentine. I'm going to tell you, and I'm actually going to toss some of the Valentines I've saved for decades. I'm going to do it today. Do you trust me?

Sally Libby:
Well, talk is cheap Michael.

Michael Small:
Before we talk about our rules for Valentine's Day cards, it makes sense for us to talk a little bit about the day itself. In my opinion, the best thing that ever happened on Valentine's Day was in 1957, the day you were born. Your mom gave you as a Valentine to the world. It's also interesting that you are one of the four people who sent me the most Valentines in my life. So that means you were sending me cards on your birthday and I almost never sent you a Valentine or a birthday card. 

Sally Libby:
Is that true?

Michael Small:
It is.

Sally Libby:
Oh, Michael!

Michael Small:
How did you feel about having a birthday on Valentine's Day?

Sally Libby:
I really liked it because I love hearts and I love love and I love lace and my auntie would make me a valentine-shaped cake. It was fun.

Michael Small:
I think this qualifies you to be the right person to be an expert on the holiday. I know you did a little research.

Sally Libby:
I did a little research.

Michael Small:
Can you remind us a little bit about the history of Valentine's Day? If you go back all the way, what is the origin of this celebration?

Sally Libby:
All right, we're going to go back to the ancient Romans. From February 13th to 15th, they celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog and then whipped the women with hides of those animals.

Michael Small:
Back then, that was love.

Sally Libby:
That was love in those days. Young women lined up to be whipped because they thought it would make them fertile.

Michael Small:
Whoa, okay. I'm struggling to see the link to the celebration of love, but okay, if that's where it began.

Sally Libby:
Well, then there was a matchmaking lottery the same weekend in which young men drew the names of women from a jar.

Michael Small:
What about St. Valentine? Can you tell me how he got involved?

Sally Libby:
Uh huh. In the third century, Emperor Claudius II executed two men, both named Valentine


Michael Small:
So you're telling me that it wasn't really necessarily one St. Valentine, there were a few.

Sally Libby:
I think it was an amalgamation. They became martyrs and their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with a celebration of Valentine's Day.

Michael Small:
So what about Cupid? How did he get involved with this? He sneaked into St. Valentine's party and tried to take it over.

Sally Libby:
Well, it was appropriate because he was the son of Venus and Mars. You put those two together and love is a struggle. Cupid also wore a diaper and I don't think he was really that young. So having been around a long time, maybe it was sort of like a Depends kind of thing.

Michael Small:
Makes you think of love with someone who's wearing Depends. So when did people start treating Valentine's Day like the lovey-dovey holiday it became?

Sally Libby:
Actually, Chaucer and Shakespeare romanticized it in their work. And in the 19th century, the Industrial Revolution produced factory-made cards. And then our beloved Hallmark started mass producing cards in 1913.

Michael Small:
And that was a hallmark moment.

Sally Libby:
Sure was.

Michael Small:
Do people celebrate Valentine's Day outside of Europe and places that used to be European colonies?

Sally Libby:
It's celebrated all over the world, but not in every country. In Chile, they give jewelry. In South Korea, a woman will give a man chocolates. And then a month later, the man gives the woman chocolate.

Michael Small:
It's like fair trade chocolate.

Sally Libby:
Yeah. In Italy, some places in Italy, a man will give a woman a key and that would symbolize a key to his heart. And the Philippines, they have mass marriages taking place on the lovers' day.

Michael Small:
That would be February 14th.

Sally Libby:
That's right.

Michael Small:
To what extent are people getting involved with Valentine's Day? Are people buying a lot of gifts or what?

Sally Libby:
Oh my gosh, are they buying gifts? Every year, $26 billion are spent on Valentine's gifts. Now for you cheapskates out there, listen to this. The average for a gift is $193. 

Michael Small:
Whoa, I don't think I've ever spent more than $2.

Sally Libby:
Excluding kids in classrooms' valentines and those little parties, 145 million cards go out each year.

Michael Small:
Okay, so people are very involved.

Sally Libby:
Here's the big statistic. $751 million are spent on gifts for pets!

Michael Small:
And I bet those pets never sent a thank you note. And speaking of notes, do you have any information about when the first cards were sent? Like who sent the first card and why?

Sally Libby:
From what I understand, the first Valentine card went out in 1400s. Charles, the Duke of Orleans, was imprisoned in the Tower of London. His letter to his wife was the first English version of a Valentine's love message.

Michael Small:
Love poems from the tower. Yeah. That is a great inspiration for us to look at the cards I've saved and how everyone can learn from them. They may not come from the Tower of London, but they come from the attic of Michael. And there were a few surprises when I went through the boxes. One of the surprises is that I thought I would have a lot more. I actually saved only 42 valentines, which means I threw out a lot of them over the years.

Sally Libby:
Alright.

Michael Small:
So now we are ready to go on to Mike and Sally's 10 rules for sending and receiving Valentine's Day cards. Sally, you have the list and would you please read us rule number one.

Sally Libby:
Rule number one, do not save valentines from past partners.

Michael Small:
Okay, we're gonna have a little bit of a surprise here. When I went into my Valentines, I found three from my first girlfriend and she had made two of them. They were rather large. I looked at them and I thought, these are so nice and sweet. They need to be destroyed immediately. Because she's happily married, I'm happily married.Those valentines just should not exist. In honor of her, I didn't even wait to do it on this podcast. I saw them and I immediately ripped them up and threw them out. I even ripped them up so that they could not be found.

Sally Libby:
Michael, I would have loved to have seen that.

Michael Small:
You mean ripping up something and throwing it out?

Sally Libby:
Yes. It's so rare.

Michael Small:
I should have saved it, but I didn't, I didn't even want to wait. So the part of that rule is there are things in the past that should stay in the past and they were wonderful and it conflicts with your present in a certain way. I would say if you are someone who held onto Valentine's from past partners, time to let them go. And that's coming from me, Mr. Save Everything. So that's a pretty strong recommendation. I thanked my past for those beautiful cards and then I said goodbye. So now we're on to rule number two.

Sally Libby:
Rule number two, don't send a card if it's inappropriate for your relationship.

Michael Small:
Okay, in this case, I have two examples. One is an inappropriate and one is an appropriate. Which do you want first?

Sally Libby:
I'll take the inappropriate.

Michael Small:
Okay, this is a card that I received from my wonderful grandmother, Francie. My actual grandmother, Rose, was very sick by the time I was born and I never really knew her. And I know she was a fantastic person and she was just a powerhouse, but I think she had Parkinson's or something, so I never really knew her. So the grandmother I knew was my grandfather's second wife. And Valentine's Day was her holiday. Her name was Francie. And she sent valentines to all of us. So she must've bought, you know, like what, 25, 30 valentine cards. She loved pink. She wore pink clothing. She had pink lipstick. She was very beautiful and she had blonde hair and she was very cultured. Like she played the piano wonderfully and she was a very kind and generous person and smart, really smart. So we were really lucky when she joined our family and we were lucky that we got these Valentine cards. But there was one year when she must not have looked very carefully at the card because on the front of the card is sort of a floor plan of a house. Shows where the living room is, the kitchen, dining room, et cetera. And then there's the bedroom. And in the bedroom is a woman in the bed with a red sheet over her.

Sally Libby:
Okay.

Michael Small:
And every other room has nothing in it. It's just like a drawing of the house.  And inside it says, if you'd like to be my Valentine, you know where to find me. In other words, you'll find me in the bedroom naked under the red sheet. That was from my grandmother.

Sally Libby:
Yes, the eyeglasses must have not have been too accurate.

Michael Small:
That means if you're gonna send a card, don't send it an inappropriate card. This one's so inappropriate. I think I might save it. But meanwhile, I got one that was super appropriate from my sister, Lyn, and on the front it says, Love you, brother. And inside it says, the fact that it's Valentine's Day and that I've put up with you my whole life gives me the right to say that. Have a good one. Love you and your beautiful wife, Lyn. That was so appropriate.

Sally Libby:
Lovely.

Michael Small:
That one is a keeper. So just remember, be appropriate. Sally, what's the next rule?

Sally Libby:
Rule number three, don't write something lovey-dovey if you don't actually mean it.

Michael Small:
This is interesting. These are kind of private, but I will say one woman in college and one woman in high school sent me very lovey-dovey valentines. The one from college says, written by hand, my dearest Michael, happy Valentine's Day. You have the key to my heart and much, more. Kisses, comma, the person's name. She didn't have a crush on me.

Sally Libby:
Are you absolutely sure about that?

Michael Small:
Uh, yes, but I imagine when I got that card, I got pretty darn excited. And here's another one. This one is handmade from a high school person and it says, Hello, Michael friend. Did you know I love you? And then there's a heart and in it, says, I love you written by hand about 50 times.

Sally Libby:
But she seemed to have put you in the friend zone, but then she's just lovey-dovey all over the place.

Michael Small:
I know and that was someone who I really had a crush on. Both of these people meant really well and I'm not criticizing them. I'm just saying just remember if you send one to somebody and you don't love them and they might possibly kind of have a crush on you, just hold back on that if that makes sense. You agree Sal?

Sally Libby:
I do agree.

Michael Small:
Okay. I think the next one you might also agree with.

Sally Libby:
Oh yes. Number four is go for a laugh.

Michael Small:
Okay, so as I was saying, a lot of the Valentine cards were funny in some one way or another. I received a lot of Valentine's that I saved from my mother and two of them were pretty funny. So I'll read you one of those. On the front, it has a picture of a boy on the top of a pillar. So I guess he's being worshiped. It says, happy Valentine's day to a son who has everything, ability, looks, charm, talent, personality, and on the inside it says, wonderful parents. And then my mom wrote, couldn't resist this obnoxious card. We love you, mom and dad.

Sally Libby:
That's great.

Michael Small:
So that was a good laugh. And then of course, when it comes to laughs, there is you. There was one you sent me in 1988. What it has on the card, I'm not even going to read what the card came with. But what made me laugh anyway, is it says on the inside of a Valentine's Day card:  "You used to be the most irritating person in the world. Now you're somewhere around number 20. However, I love you so much it hurts. Sometimes I get mixed up with a punch in the face." Yeah. And then you put, now for these promised positive strokes. And then you said five very nice things.

Sally Libby:
I was sort of passive aggressive, wasn't I?

Michael Small:
You were kidding around with me. And Valentine's Day is a good time for kidding around. Go for it, people. Do the laughter.

Sally Libby:
A little levity.

Michael Small:
Sally, what's number five?

Sally Libby:
Number five, send the card only to immediate family if it involves jokes about farting.

Michael Small:
Now I had six cards I saved from my sister Debbie. Obviously I didn't save every one she sent me.

Sally Libby:
It must have been like a tsunami of cards.

Michael Small:
But three of them are about farting. On Valentine's Day.

Sally Libby:
Really?

Michael Small:
Just so you know, this one, this says, this Valentine is stuffed with love, is what it says on the front. And on the inside it says, And Fairy Farts. Okay, there's that one. Okay. The next one, it has a cat on the front, crazy cat, and it says, I hope you really like this Valentine. And inside it says, it says, Somebody farted in the card shop and I could only hold my breath long enough to grab this one. She didn't make that. That was a printed card she bought.

Sally Libby:
No.

Michael Small:
Yes. Yes, both of these.

Sally Libby:
My God.

Michael Small:
All of these. These are printed cards. Someone printed, somebody farted in the card shop and I could only hold my breath long enough to grab this one. And then... this last one, speaking of Cupid, has Cupid on the cover with a little arrow and bow and diaper. And coming out of the diaper, it says PFFT, like a fart. There's a fart coming out of the diaper and inside it says, love is in the air. Happy Valentine's Day. I would say if you are lucky enough to find Valentine's Day cards about farting, you must have a sibling, a parent, a child who would like it, but do not send it to someone who you love in the other way. Okay, number six, Sally.

Sally Libby:
Avoid poems written by the greeting card company.

Michael Small:
You know, I think if you want to write a poem, write your own poem. There are a lot of poems in these cards and they're really not good.

Sally Libby:
I agree.

Michael Small:
You sent me as a joke this poem. It's a little bit long, but I'm tempted to read it just because I hope it will make people stop and think before they actually do this seriously. So here's the poem inside the card. On the cover is a photo of two chairs outside in like a patio garden, waiting for lovers to sit in them. And it's called The Love Story. And it says, it started out as just small talk, two people sitting together, passing the time away. But as they talked, she noticed how intense his eyes grew when he was deep in thought and how his voice made her feel all shivery and alive. And he realized that her laugh sounded like bells calling him closer and that her hair caught the sunlight like a painting he'd seen once in a museum. It started out as small talk to pass the time away, but below the spoken words, two hearts were already whispering in a language all their own. And that's where it ends. Now, before we move on, I want to wallow a bit in those words and the questionable subtext. It repeats twice that it started out as small talk. So apparently, if you want a real relationship, you have to perfect your small talk. Also, you need to make your hair resemble a painting in a museum. So maybe you cover it with colored dots and it's like a Seurat or you make it all boxy and distorted like a Picasso. And then your laugh must sound like bells, but that's only until you get married because 30 years later, you might laugh like a bell and your spouse will have had enough of it and they're going to get out a weapon and it's going to be the end of your life. So I think that says it all. Avoid cards with pre-made poems. Let's go on to the next one.

Sally Libby:
Okay. Don't just sign your name.

Michael Small:
Well, this is the thing. The greeting card company is going to write something. You need to supplement it a little bit. So this came to me when I found this one card and it has a drawing of hearts in a bouquet as if they're in a vase as if they were flowers. And it says on the cover, a bouquet of love, especially for you. The reason why this one stood out to me is it reminded me of the sender. And the sender was my grandfather's half sister. And she would come to events at their house and she would put on an apron and spend the whole time in the kitchen cleaning the dishes and would not come out. She was our relative, but she acted sort of like she was the help.

Sally Libby:
Was she shy or retiring?

I guess. And I used to sometimes take her on dates to try to just like get her out, you know, and help her. When I was in college, I would take her out for lunch or something just to give her a little break. Here's the thing. She signed all her cards. Whenever she sent them, she'd sign them, just me. Or just Min. She never used her name without the word just in front of it.

Sally Libby:
A little self-esteem problem.

Michael Small:
Definitely. I hadn't been thinking about her lately and I just feel like, you know, she really wanted to try to make things good for people. Yeah. But to make herself just disappear. Anyway, if you are sending a card, do more than just put Just Me. What is the next rule, Sally?

Sally Libby:
Right. Next one is: always put a year on it. And I agree with that. It's great to know when something occurred.

Michael Small:
Yes, this is super important. It's the most useful thing we could possibly say because if people are going to save your cards, then you have to guess like, was this from 1980? Was this from 2025? Because it is an annual ritual where cards get sent every year, be sure to put a year on it.

Sally Libby:
Right.

Michael Small:
When I was sorting through a lot of them, I can't tell really how old they are. Okay, next rule. Sally, what is rule number nine?

Sally Libby:
If possible, make the card yourself.

Michael Small:
This is time for a disclaimer. The greeting card companies do great work, so much variety, creativity, better than ever. But if you really want to give a Valentine that will be saved or that will get you the best results in the love department, your best bet is to go with homemade. In my collection, there's one that stands out beyond all the rest. It was given to me by my wife, who is an artist. It's the size of a normal piece of paper. And she drew sort of a map from when we met in college to when I visited her in San Francisco. And we went down the crookedest street in the world, Lombard Street. Then it ends with us in a tunnel of love. And then on the back of it, she has stuck maybe, I don't know, like 50 little tiny stickies that you have to read each one and they also go in a maze. And the image on the front shows us sort of wandering through life and there's little tiny twisty little text. If you read it carefully, it's very hard to read, it says, "Don't panic. They're okay. They've survived the Bermuda triangle, threatening escapes, the murder of a sweatshirt," (which she ruined my sweatshirt" "and a variety of heart attacks, some bad timing, some inconsistencies, and a very twisty route all in all."

Sally Libby:
I love it.

Michael Small:
And I think we've been on that twisty path ever since then. Cindy also pulled out this morning a handmade card I made for her in college. Those cards were saved because they're so special because they were handmade. And Sally, you gave me handmade cards too and they were special and they got saved. So I'm urging everybody, if you have it in you to get the construction paper or a piece of white paper and scissors.

Sally Libby:
Right. You don't have to be an artist, but just have fun with it.

Michael Small:
Yep. Which brings us to number 10, the last of our rules.

Sally Libby:
Save at least one card from anyone you truly love.

Michael Small:
I know this is supposed to be where you're throwing everything out, but basically I could not throw out all of my cards. I felt that I wanted to save every single one from my wife.

Sally Libby:
Yeah.

Michael Small:
And I saved two from my grandmother, Francie, because it was her holiday. And I saved three from you, Sally. One of them was homemade. And I saved three from  my mom, and I was not going to throw out those fart cards. But I have here a little folder.  This is really painful. are cards in here from my mother, from my sister, from you, Sally, even one that you made yourself. And I have here a trash can. And you see this? Watch me. In they go.

Sally Libby:
Michael. Ouch. That hurts. It hurts.

Michael Small:
I threw out 18 of my Valentines.

Sally Libby:
Well, congratulations. You did the near impossible. Hopefully, our future will include more of that.

Michael Small:
Cause you haven't seen me throw out a lot of things on this.

Sally Libby:
Oh no.

Michael Small:
I am hurting inside. It's painful to me, but I feel good that I did save 20 for other ones.

Sally Libby:
Well, I saved one from my best friend who passed away a year ago, December, and her name was Jeanie Smith. And it's a little girl from Holland in her clogs. in the heart it says, wooden shoe be mine? That was sort of a running joke we had with, wooden shoe be mine? And I just adored her and I miss her so much.

Michael Small:
When did she send you the card?

Sally Libby:
Unfortunately, there's no date on it, but I think it's over 40 years old.

Michael Small:
We have to talk to Jeanie up where she is and say, Jeanie, you should have put a date on it.

Sally Libby:
I know.

Michael Small:
And that argues for saving one from someone you love. Everybody we hope that helped you with deciding how you're going to send cards, what you're going to send and sending ones that people will want to keep. That's it for Valentine's Day from us. You can see the classic cards I'm saving, including the farty ones from my sister and the amazing handmade one from my wife, Cindy, on our website at throwitoutpodcast.com, Sally, do you have anything to add?

Sally Libby:
Well, I just want to tell everyone that if you really love us, I mean, really love us in the way that Sally Field was once loved at the Academy Awards, we would be so happy if you'd go to our website and sign up for our email list. That way you'll know about future episodes of our podcast and you don't even have to look at social media. You can sign up at throwitoutpodcast.com.

Michael Small:
And yes, and I'm in favor of the not looking at social media that much. please do what Sally said. And remember, no matter how crazy the world gets, the people you love will make you feel better. So be sure to give them extra love this year.

Sally Libby:
Not too late to make them a Valentine's Day card.

Michael Small:
And if you make me one, I promise I'll keep it forever.

Sally Libby:
Michael.

Michael Small:
Actually, based on today, there's a 47 % chance that I'll throw it out. Bye, everybody. Happy Valentine's Day.


Sally Libby:
Happy Valentine's Day! Love y'all!

[Theme song begins]

I Couldn't Throw It Out theme song
Performed by Don Rauf, Boots Kamp and Jen Ayers
Written by Don Rauf and Michael Small
Produced and arranged by Boots Kamp

Look up that stairway
To my big attic
Am I a hoarder
Or am I a fanatic?

Decades of stories
Memories stacked
There is a redolence
Of some irrelevant facts

Well, I couldn't throw it out
I had to scream and shout
It all seems so unjust
But still I know I must
Before I turn to dust
I've got to throw it out
Before I turn to dust
I've got to throw it out

Well I couldn't throw it out
Oh, I couldn't throw it out

I'll sort through my possessions
In these painful sessions
I guess this is what it's about
The poems, cards and papers
The moldy musty vapors
I just gotta sort it out

Well I couldn't throw it out
Well I couldn't throw it out
Oh, I couldn't throw it out
I couldn't throw it out

[Theme song ends]

END TRANSCRIPT