Kooky reunion: 67-year-olds perform their 5th grade play

I Couldn't Throw It Out, Season 2, Episode 27
Kooky reunion: 67-year-olds perform their 5th grade play

Michael Small:
On this episode of I Couldn't Throw It Out, we want to start with a few questions, like, do you remember anything you wrote in elementary school? And by any chance, did you save it? And last of all, what would happen if you gathered your fifth grade friends to read it now? Because that's exactly what Sally and I did, and we have proof that this type of experiment can lead to moments like this.

Jonathan Bernays:
What the? What do you mean by waking me up from my nap, pest?

Michael Small:
To find out why that happened and what it's like for us to leap back 57 years with the people who were there when we were 10 years old, keep listening.

[Song excerpt begins]

I couldn't throw it out
I had to scream and shout
Before I turned to dust I've got to throw it out

[Song excerpt ends]

Michael Small:
Hello, Sally Libby.

Sally Libby:
Hello, Michael Small.

Michael Small:
Call me crazy, but I think you're about to have some fun.

Sally Libby:
With you?

Michael Small:
Yes, with me. But mostly because of some other people. Look who's with us. Five friends that you and I met 57 years ago. Think about it, almost six decades. And all five of them were our classmates in fifth grade. That's a lot of grown up fifth graders.

Sally Libby:
Yes.

Michael Small:
And the reason we wrangled them is because I have saved or refused to throw out some genuine, historical, treasured artifacts that all of us created together. And guess when we did that?

Sally Libby:
In fifth grade!

Michael Small:
You're catching on. One of the great and apparently lasting works of art we created together is a play that we wrote.

Sally Libby:
Yes, about a mouse with an identity problem. And you played the mouse, of course.

Michael Small:
Of course. And all the actors performed in one scene. Except me, I performed in every single scene.

Sally Libby:
You got an early start as a scene stealer, Michael.

Michael Small:
Yes, I guess I was possessed by fifth grade ambition. I was also co-editor of our magazine, The Fifth Grade Focus, so I saved three copies.

Sally Libby:
You mean you took those magazines with you wherever you went for your entire life?

Michael Small:
That's right.

Sally Libby:
Can you possibly explain why?

Michael Small:
Are you kidding? It was my first journalism gig. How could I throw it out? But now the question is, what do I do with these things? Keep them, burn them, make you take them? Which means that it's time to introduce our friends who will help us make that decision. I think one of these people deserves special attention because he was my co-editor of the fifth grade Focus Magazine and he was the author of the first scene in our play about the mouse. Please welcome Mr. Jonathan Bernays. Jonathan, hello.

Jonathan Bernays:
Hello, and wonderful to see all of you. None of you have changed a bit.

Michael Small:
Yeah, right. Jonathan, if the internet told me correctly, you're doing cyber work at Lincoln Laboratories in Massachusetts, am I right?

Jonathan Bernays:
So that's correct. I'm an engineer, and I have been one for, well, pretty much my whole life. Fifth grade was one small part, and I just keep doing that.

Michael Small:
That is going to be very useful in case we have some major engineering problems during this episode. So thank you very much.
 
Sally Libby:
I see some other fifth grade stars here. Hello, Connie Reisdorf.

Connie Reisdorf:
Hi, Sally.

Sally Libby:
I believe you are now a pianist and piano teacher. Can you share just one important thing about your life after fifth grade?

Connie Reisdorf:
One. Gee. At some point, I climbed Mount Fuji. That was like a high highlight.

Sally Libby:
Very high. All right. Well, thank you for joining us, Connie. And now a woman who enjoyed a career as a nurse and lives part time in Scotland, Fiona Harris. What's one thing that tells us about your life after fifth grade?

Fiona Harris:
It's been very busy. I've worked in all various jobs in the medical profession and worked as a paralegal for a while in Boston.

Sally Libby:
And now we're introducing Nancy Simms Sofen. You held a variety of paid jobs and volunteer jobs.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Probably have learned and grown more from my volunteer roles than from any paid job I've ever had.

Sally Libby:
And last but not least, hello to Kathryn Roy. You were chief marketing officer for a tech firm and now you volunteer as an advocate for affordable housing. Is there one other thing about yourself that you want to tell us?

Kathryn Roy:
Well, I just remembered I went to Colgate because Nancy went to Colgate and she found out that it was the best school for scholarships. And I applied and I got in.

Sally Libby:
All right. We're so glad you joined us.

Michael Small:
Now we've met the players. So let's use our ancient minds to go back in time. Picture, if you will, the Proctor School, a public elementary school that you attended in Topsfield, Massachusetts, a rural suburb of Boston. Everybody with me there? You seeing it?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yes.

Michael Small:
So when you attended the Proctor School, you wrote a play together, which I recently sent you. Has anyone read it?

Sally Libby:
I want to see a show of hands.

Fiona Harris:
Many times today. Brilliant. It's a brilliant play.

Michael Small:
How many of you remember, actually writing or performing in this play? 

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Do I remember correctly that Michael had a costume? He did, boy. with ears. That is the only thing I remember.

Michael Small:
Okay. That is the difficult thing that we need to discuss. One of the things about saving objects, like saving this play, is that it brings back these memories that you might have thought were lost, right? As I read the play, memories started coming back. I remembered all about my costume. My mother made it from scratch. She had me lie down on pattern paper and she drew around me to get it. And then she cut gray cloth and made this one piece costume with a zipper, a long zipper up the back. And she made this gray tail that kept ripping off when I stepped on it. And then there were pink ears, pink cloth ears, which you remembered. This costume was way too immature for a fifth grader to wear. I mean, that's the key thing. And some part of me knew that, but my mom had worked really hard on it and let me know, especially that zipper, that zipper was very challenging for her. So I felt I had to love it so much that not only did I wear it in that play, but for two years when like other fifth and sixth graders were being like pirates or you know, something cool, hobos on Halloween, I was a mouse for two more Halloweens because I had to wear that thing. And I'm curious, did any of you ever have something you received from a family member as a child that you pretended to love in order to make the person happy? Or am I the only one who did that?

Fiona Harris:
This is Fiona. Well, I had two older sisters, so I wore a lot of hand-me-downs. And I also wore a lot of my brother's trousers because I was the same height as him. I did feel I needed to wear them. And my mother said, you look very nice. And I said, OK, I'm happy to wear them. And that was that. I had no choice in clothes.

Michael Small:
You were a good sport. You know, reliving these traumas can be kind of fun, as we've seen. Now that we got through that, we are going to read five of the eight scenes in the play we wrote. But first, we want to honor three authors who couldn't join us. One is Erin O'Brien, who is taking care of family and couldn't make it. Another is Laura McKay, who moved away from Topsfield and I didn't know how to find her. And then the one other author this play who is not with us is Jeanie Smith. And Sally, do you want to say a few words about Jeanie?

Sally Libby:
Yes, we'd like to dedicate this episode to Jeanie. She passed from cancer last December and she was talented in so many ways and she was my best friend since we met in first grade at Proctor School and I miss her every single day.

Fiona Harris:
That's heartbreaking to hear that.

Sally Libby:
It is.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Heartbreaking.

Michael Small:
Yeah. Well, I know Jeanie would have so much fun laughing at us.

Sally Libby:
She would.

Michael Small:
So we need to work to give her a reason to laugh wherever she is.

Sally Libby:
Yes.

Michael Small:
Along those lines, if any thespians out there wonder about our acting style, we can partly blame it on the script. One of our teachers who was probably our English teacher, Mrs. Cunningham, typed this script and copied it on a mimeograph machine. She put a lot of exclamation marks after every sentence. So if we're exclaiming, you know why. And for my mouse part, she seemed to think that a stutter was a very mousy way to talk. So I'm going to have to stutter a lot.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
This is Nancy. Can I ask, was she the one who made us all angry also? I mean, so many of us have, are supposed to respond angrily to being interrupted by the mouse. And I was really struck by it. What were we so mad about? She must've been projecting over something.

Michael Small:
So we've gotten less angry over time. That's unusual.

Jonathan Bernays:
Who knows what we were inflicting on a poor fifth grade teacher. We may have been what was pushing her over the edge.

Michael Small:
Well, so here we go. Each of you is about to read words that were written 57 years ago and kept in a box since then. The big surprise when I found this play in one of my boxes is that it actually has kind of a profound message that's relevant to my adult life. We'll get to that at the end. In the meantime, in honor of this event, Connie Reisdorf, who is by far the best musician among us, has written some mouse music to help you get in the mood for your acting feats. So here we go with the music. Thank you, Connie.

[Mouse music starts.]

Michael Small:
Just imagine me with those pink ears.

[Mouse music ends.]

Jonathan Bernays:
Well done.

Sally Libby:
Yeah, Connie, it was so great.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Bravo.

Fiona Harris:
Michael, I can just see you in your tight mouse costume.

Michael Small:
Well, Fiona, I apologize for that belatedly. Narrator, take it away.

Fiona Harris:
This is Fiona and I'm the narrator. The Mouse. Introduction written by Michael Small. This is a story of a mouse who wants to be better than he is in many characteristics. So he sets out for his destination to ask the animals of the forest how he could get to be as good as they are. Scene one, written and performed by Jonathan Bernays. Mouse enters, knocks.

Michael Small:
Mr. Porcupine, could you please?

Jonathan Bernays:
What the? What do you mean by waking me up from my nap, pest?

Michael Small:
Maybe we should stop now. It's not going to get any better than that. The mouse is supposed to back away frightened. (as mouse) I thought someone like you with all your beautiful quills and your great courage could help me. Maybe you could tell me how to grow some quills.

Jonathan Bernays:
Flattery will get you everywhere. Here, take this tonic, put it wherever you want quills. Two times a day, five weeks. After that, come back and see me.

Fiona Harris:
So for five weeks, Mouse rubbed the tonic on himself. Then he went back to porcupine.

Michael Small:
Hi Mr. Porcupine.

Jonathan Bernays:
Hmm. How was it, Mouse?

Michael Small:
It didn't work. But maybe you could spare some quills to stick into me. Start by putting a few just above my tail.

Jonathan Bernays:
Ooh, that's a good idea, Mouse. Here goes.

Fiona Harris:
Porcupine sticks some quills into Mouse. Mouse runs off screaming.

Michael Small:
And they didn't even stick. Boo hoo. OK, that's the end of scene one. And now we have some questions for John. Did you ever write another play after this?

Jonathan Bernays:
I think this may have capped my literary career. After this, it was all downhill.

Michael Small:
Have you considered getting out of aeronautics and cyber world and going back to playwriting?

Jonathan Bernays:
I think this is what drove me into engineering. I found I had a great deal more facility with numbers and facts than I did with my imagination.

Fiona Harris:
I don't know. Your acting was pretty good.

Sally Libby:
Yes, I like the belch in there.

Jonathan Bernays:
Yeah. I do have, we have three sons. You can't imagine.

Sally Libby:
We can imagine.

Michael Small:
Okay. Onto the next scene.

Fiona Harris:
Scene two, written by Connie Reisdorf, performed by Connie Reisdorf and Kathryn Roy. Mouse is at Elephant's house. Mouse knocks at door.

Kathryn Roy:
Come in.

Michael Small:
May I speak to Ellie?

Kathryn Roy:
Ellie, there's someone here to see you.

Connie Reisdorf:
Hello, what's your name?

Michael Small:
M-m-m-m-mousy, and I have a problem. You are big and strong and aren't afraid and remember and, and...

Connie Reisdorf:
I'm all of that.

Kathryn Roy:
Ellie, don't interrupt.

Connie Reisdorf:
Sorry, Mom, I forgot.

Michael Small:
I thought you had a good memory.

Connie Reisdorf:
I do! I will tell you what animal you are. you're an elephant.

Michael Small:
No, you're an elephant!

Connie Reisdorf:
Well if I'm an elephant, then what are you?

Michael Small:
I'm a mouse!

Connie Reisdorf:
And it's I'm afraid of mice. Eek!

Fiona Harris:
Mouse walks away.

Michael Small:
And that's the end of the second scene.

Sally Libby:
Connie? Yes? Is your sense of humor the same?

Connie Reisdorf:
Well, it's possible. I did notice that I felt like everybody's influences were very literary and mine was like the influence was 101 elephant jokes. That everybody else had been reading like Wind in the Willows and all kinds of things and I was reading joke books.

Sally Libby:
Did Proctor School have any lasting effect on you, do you think?

Connie Reisdorf:
I remember getting in trouble with Fiona quite a bit.

Fiona Harris:
Oh boy, here we go.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Poor Connie.

Fiona Harris:
Yep.

Sally Libby:
Did you stay a troublemaker?

Connie Reisdorf:
Maybe I've turned into a complainer rather than a troublemaker.

Sally Libby:
Well, that's okay at this age.

Connie Reisdorf:
I think maybe that's what I've morphed into.

Sally Libby:
Do you think there's value in saving things like this?

Connie Reisdorf:
Sure, yeah. Absolutely. Well, this has been kind of a nice surprise out of this. Just for that reason alone, I guess that's kind of a nice thing.

Sally Libby:
Okay. Kathryn, do you remember anything about our classmates or our teachers?

Kathryn Roy:
Well, I do remember going upstairs into Connie's room and listening to the Beatles records over and over again. I think your mom complained about that.

Sally Libby:
I remember going to Connie's house and Connie, you and I changed the lyrics to Oklahoma and the lyrics were a little naughty. Do remember that?

Connie Reisdorf:
I remember that.

Fiona Harris:
Do tell what they are.

Sally Libby:
Couldn't remember them now. There was something to do with halitosis.

Connie Reisdorf:
Yes! my God. Yes.

Sally Libby:
Yes. Wind comes ripping down the plane and I, I wish I could remember all of it. Kathryn, do you remember what kinds of things you were thinking about back in fifth grade? Like what was most on your mind?

Kathryn Roy:
I don't know. You know, I remember we made our own clothes. I don't know when we started sewing.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Connie and I were in 4-H sewing, and I think that started when we were nine. It was pretty early.

Connie Reisdorf:
I have some fifth grade pants that are, there's a picture of them, and they were absolutely ghastly. I'm sure. They fit so poorly that I, you can see me in the picture trying to hold the pants so that they look like they fit better. They're so awful.

Michael Small:
Okay, well, on to the next scene.

Fiona Harris:
Scene three, written and performed by the former Sarah Welsh, now known as Sally Libby. Mouse enters looking for red-winged blackbird.

Michael Small:
Red-winged blackbird. Where, where are you? Please, Mr. RW Blackbird, tell me how I can grow some wings. How I long for some beautiful wings. Your wings are so helpful. You are so able-bodied and your wings are so swift. You just glide right along with no trouble at all. Please tell me.

Sally Libby:
I quite agree with you. My wings are lovely, yes. But then, cats, my friend, cats. This is my motto. I shall always remember. Beware, little bird. I thought I just heard a cat creeping by, so vicious and sly. Of course, you have the same problem as I do, but you have certain qualities of your own. Anyway, you can't grow wings. Only birds can. You see, God created everything differently and for a reason.

Michael Small:
I'm glad you brought up God, Blackbird, but that's a side note for now. Then why does Mr. Blue Jay have wings?

Sally Libby:
We don't look exactly alike, but he's a bird and birds have wings, just like all mice have tails.

Michael Small:
Yes, it would be very dull if everyone looked alike. I'm glad I'm a mouse. Thank you, Red Wing Blackbird.

Sally Libby:
You're welcome.

Fiona Harris:
Blackbird sings and yawns.

Michael Small:
Okay, Sally, your format was a little different. You had a little poem in there. Do you feel you see yourself in this scene that you wrote?

Sally Libby:
I do. I did mention God because I think Sunday school really sunk in at that time. I guess I was spiritual then and I'm still very spiritual and I like to fly. I also like to fly into things which might not be such a good idea.

Michael Small:
Okay, well, Red Wing Blackbird is you all over. Flying all over that is.

Sally Libby:
That's right.

Michael Small:
Okay, well, on to the next scene.

Fiona Harris:
Scene four. Written and performed by the former Nancy Simms, now known as Nancy Sofen.

Michael Small:
Beaver, beaver.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Who's bothering me at this time of day?

Michael Small:
It is I, Mouse.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Well, what do you want?

Michael Small:
I have a problem. I want to know how to build lodges and dams.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
You have to be a beaver to build lodges and dams.

Michael Small:
Then how can I become a beaver?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
You can't. You just have to be a mouse. Mice have some qualities of their own. You can hide in trees, in holes in the ground, and almost everywhere.

Michael Small:
Well, I guess I'm not so bad off after all.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Bye, mouse.

Michael Small:
Bye, beaver.

Sally Libby:
So, Nancy, did you like school back then?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I loved school back then, yes.

Sally Libby:
What did you like about Proctor School?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I loved reading. I learned to like math. It took a while, but then it became my favorite right around fifth grade, I think. I don't know what it was. Much of it felt just at home for me.

Michael Small:
I felt like in fifth grade, I kind of became human. Something changed, like my social relationships got better. I felt like I was more excited about life. There was more to do, that there was more independence or something. And it was a real turning point. Did you feel that way at all or not really?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I think maybe, yeah. Observing my kids and their friends, that's kind of a magical age where you're on that cusp of being a little kid and being able to comprehend adult things, and like switch back and forth in an instant. It's really fun to watch that as an adult, to watch that in kids. And I don't know that we realized we were doing that, but that might've been part of that feeling of just newfound sense of self.

Michael Small:
Well, thank you so much. And now we go on to the last scene.

Fiona Harris:
Scene five, written and performed by Michael Small.

Michael Small:
Gee, I didn't know I was so well off after all. I'm glad my life is happier than theirs and I don't have to do what they do. I kind of like being just little old me.

Fiona Harris:
And in this scene, the animals all enter.

Connie Reisdorf:
Hey, don't you want to lift weights?

Sally Libby:
Or fly?

Michael Small:
No, thank you. I think I've learned my lesson. The grass is always greener in the other fellows yard. But once you take a bite, you'll come back to yours any day. I've got to go now. Bye.

Sally Libby:
Bye.

Connie Reisdorf:
Bye, mouse. Bye.

Michael Small:
I guess being a mouse isn't so bad after all. And that's the end of our play. Yay.

Fiona Harris:
Beautifully written.

Michael Small:
So hooray for us. But before we decide the fate of this script, I actually want to say a couple serious things about this. Like for instance, I was playing a mouse who struggled with his identity and turned to other people to find out who he was. And if you knew me in my 20s and my 30s, Sally, that's pretty much who I was. Still trying to get out of that mouse costume my mother made for me or something, which is kind of scary, that this play kind of was more predictive than it would have seemed when it happened.

Sally Libby:
Didn't you tell me that you wore the mouse costume to your bar mitzvah?

Michael Small:
No.

Sally Libby:
Just kidding.

Michael Small:
Basically, I reached the same conclusion the mouse reached, which again shows you that saving these things can bring back memories that can be kind of helpful. Did anybody else hear an echo of their future self in the play?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I did a bit. I am just very pragmatic and no, you can't be a beaver. just, that's just, isn't the way the world works.

Fiona Harris:
I would like to say, this is Fiona. The analogies and the animals we use were, really all animals that were part of our lives that I would see in the woods in Topsfield. And I just look at children today. They don't have that reflection, I don't think. Everything's thrown at them. There's so much technology. And here we are relating to these animals in a forest. And it was, I thought it was very beautiful.

Michael Small:
Wow. Cool. Another interesting thing on this script, on the back of it, it's a drawing that I did, which may have been trying to express my real personality, because it is a barefoot hippie. He has a goatee and an afro. He's smoking and he's carrying two suitcases. One is labeled private and the other is labeled LSD. It also says peace with an exclamation mark and there's a heart and inside it, it says Join the Flower Power. But then there's the most incongruous quote above it. It's a quote from one of the Mary Poppins books, which I was an odd kid, I liked reading those Mary Poppins books. And the quote is, "If everyone minded their own business, the world would go around much faster." I'm looking at this and that's me, completely mixed up, a Mary Poppins hippie.

Jonathan Bernays:
Practically perfect.

Sally Libby:
Just a spoonful of LSD.

Jonathan Bernays:
Was that drawn when you were in fifth grade?

Michael Small:
Yes.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Whoa.

Michael Small:
That's on the back of this play.

Jonathan Bernays:
Wow. You were a little advanced.

Sally Libby:
A little precocious.

Michael Small:
Well, not when I put that mouse costume on.

Jonathan Bernays:
I'm not sure I could spell LSD in fifth grade.

Michael Small:
Well, we're going to decide what to do with this when we're done. But now we're on to our next treasure, the three issues of the Fifth Grade Focus magazine. And just to give some background, there were two issues in December of 1967 and one in March of 1968. Jonathan and I were the editors. I would like someone to guess what two people had the most content in this magazine. Can anyone guess?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Jonathan and Michael.

Sally Libby:
Michael and Jonathan.

Michael Small:
What got me about this is the variety. There is everything in this. It's certainly a tribute to our teachers. Even if it was us, they opened us up to make us super creative. Speaking of super creative, Nancy Simms Sofen, who is with us, is credited with doing the cover art. Did you remember being an illustrator?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
No.

Michael Small:
For the Christmas issue, you drew a picture of an elf with a really long Christmas list.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
You're kidding.

Michael Small:
No.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I have no memory of that. One of the things in there which we're going to start with is jokes. I think fifth grade humor is something certainly that Sally and I are extremely involved in at the current moment and always have been. Anything fifth graders laugh at, we laugh at. So I've given some of you jokes. And I'm just gonna ask you to read these jokes which appeared in the Fifth Grade Focus so we can evaluate the value of this publication. And let's start with Kathryn.

Kathryn Roy:
Okay. The fifth grade was having a geography lesson and the teacher asked Bobby a question about the English channel. I wouldn't know about that one. He shook his head doubtfully. We only get one channel on our TV set.

Michael Small:
Okay. There we go. We were very funny people. Connie, I believe you have a joke. I do.

Connie Reisdorf:
I hear you're learning to be an astronaut. No, where did you hear that? Well, someone said you were taking up space.

Michael Small:
Mean humor.

Jonathan Bernays:
Like that one.

Michael Small:
Nancy, you have a joke?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I'm afraid so. Teacher: What is a groundhog? Student: A sausage, sir.

Michael Small:
A ground hog.

Sally Libby:
That's a groaner.

Michael Small:
I should given that one to Sally. We're so happy that we have Fiona with us. And so she has two jokes. Go for it.

Fiona Harris:
Anne: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

Michael Small:
See, I love that.

Fiona Harris:
I have another one. A school librarian is puzzled by a request from a pupil for a book called Advice to Young Mothers. She asked the boy why he was interested in the subject. I want to start a moth collection, he replied.

Michael Small:
It takes a minute, mother and moth-er.

Jonathan Bernays:
That was pretty good.

Michael Small:
I just want to say, ponder those jokes when you decide what I should do with these magazines later. We also had a lot of riddles. Becky Kimball wrote all these riddles and it said the answers would be in the next issue and there never was another issue.

Sally Libby:
A cliffhanger.

Michael Small:
But I think I've got one that people here can figure out that she wrote. What is it which will be yesterday and was tomorrow? And was tomorrow. Come on. Today.

Jonathan Bernays:
Today.

Connie Reisdorf:
Today.

Fiona Harris:
Today. Right now.

Michael Small:
We have more riddles. We'll just go around. Connie, what's your riddle?

Connie Reisdorf:
Why is music like an icy sidewalk?

Michael Small:
We give up.

Connie Reisdorf:
Because if you don't C sharp, you will be flat.

Michael Small:
See, I gave her the music one.

Fiona Harris:
Well read, Connie, well read.

Michael Small:
Just keep in mind the quality of those riddles as we decide what to do with these magazines. The magazine also had a recurring feature called Bits of Wisdom. Sally, you're wise. Do you have a bit of wisdom to share with us?

Sally Libby:
I do. He or she who keepeth his or her shoulder to the wheel is not likely to get it pinned to the mat. Now I know I didn't write that.

Michael Small:
That's not like you at all, is it?

Sally Libby:
No.

Jonathan Bernays:
I like it.

Michael Small:
Yeah, see, see, we can still learn from fifth grade. I think Jonathan has a bit of wisdom.

Jonathan Bernays:
So I love this one because it's so interesting as to what it is now. The Census Bureau announced that there are now, in 1967, 200 million Americans. In the last 50 years, the population doubled. It's estimated it will do so again in the next 50 years. Gives us something to think about, wouldn't you say? Yeah. So we're already, I think, at 380 million. Pretty impressive.

Michael Small:
And the fact that whoever put that in was thinking about that. Do you think the teachers wrote all this?

Jonathan Bernays:
That looks like the kind of stuff a couple of nerds would have gone and dug out of, you know, Guinness Book of World Records or something.

Sally Libby:
Yeah. Right.

Michael Small:
Okay. We have one more bit of wisdom from Kathryn.

Kathryn Roy:
Sometimes the best thing to get off your chest is your chin.

Sally Libby:
That's good.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
True.

Michael Small:
I'd like to see all of you applying that during this podcast. There's the wisdom. And I believe Nancy has some history to read us.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yes. Can you name the US presidents who had the following nicknames? The father of Pittsburgh.

Sally Libby:
These are hard.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Washington. surprise to me. The Great Hammerer.

Michael Small:
Andrew Jackson?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
No. Grant. The Buffalo Hangman.

Fiona Harris:
Teddy Roosevelt.

Michael Small:
Andrew Jackson?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Cleveland.

Sally Libby:
Wow.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
And this one might be easier. Man on horseback.

Connie Reisdorf:
Teddy Roosevelt.

Michael Small:
Andrew Jackson?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
No, it was Roosevelt.

Sally Libby:
Bully, bully.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
That's it.

Michael Small:
It's clear that I did not learn my history very well, but we can't blame them.

Jonathan Bernays:
May I add a president insight?

Michael Small:
Yes.

Jonathan Bernays:
Does anybody know where the seventh inning stretch comes from in baseball?

Sally Libby:
No. Which president was it?

Jonathan Bernays:
At a baseball game, a rather corpulent gentleman got a little uncomfortable in his seat and stood up to stretch. And because he was the president of the United States, everybody else did too. It was President Taft.

Fiona Harris:
Interesting. That's good trivia.

Michael Small:
Hey, John, want to start a magazine again?

Jonathan Bernays:
But do we have to wait 50 years to publish the next issue?

Michael Small:
Yes. 57 to be exact. Now, one of the most wonderful things in this is the classified ads. Sally, do you want to share some classifieds with us?

Sally Libby:
I'd love to. Kristen Dunn, she sold clove balls for 50 cents. And she wrote, nice to hang in your closet. Linda Giovanacci offered to make clothes for troll dolls for free if you gave her the felt. Jackie DiBenedetto was selling tissue paper, red, green or white, 10 cents each.

Fiona Harris:
Ooh, that's pricey.

Sally Libby:
Right, for back then. John Ganley would pay 50 cents for information about the song Free Again.

Michael Small:
What was he going to do with that song?

Sally Libby:
Well, he moved away and I don't think we'll ever know. James Peacock sold safety tape for your bike, two cents a piece. He also posted a one ad for girls ice skates, size one and a half or two, that he would trade for size 12.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
What is the story behind that? Can someone please put that together?

Fiona Harris:
I think he had a younger sister.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yeah, he did.

Michael Small:
Okay, but the king of the classifieds is someone we wish was joining us today. It's a friend, Jimmy Hartford, who couldn't come because of family stuff, but we want to represent him by Fiona reading his ads, which were really wonderful.

Fiona Harris:
Jimmy Hartford, December 8th, 1967. Still looking for a Christmas gift for your mother? Well, I have the answer. Toast tongs! Guaranteed not to break under normal use. If they do, I'll repair them free. 10 cents each. Call 887-5148 for orders or see James Hartford 5W.

Michael Small:
And toast tongs. Actually, they're quite useful.

Sally Libby:
Unless they're metal.

Michael Small:
Then you'd really have to repair them. What else did he do?

Fiona Harris:
He was selling all of the month of December. December 22nd, 1967 Wanted: people who are interested in scientific experiments. Contact James Hartford 5W or call 7514H.

Michael Small:
Jonathan, why didn't you call him?

Jonathan Bernays:
For what it's worth, I remember, and I think this was slightly later, that some of our more adventurous chemists in the class practiced making explosives and hid them out in the woods, and kept a can of them next to the chimney in their house, we later found out. And it's only a miracle that they never blew up their house. So there were experimenters. I didn't get quite into that, but there were some pretty interesting folks.

Fiona Harris:
He is an entrepreneur, that's for sure, but the explosives, was he doing that?

Jonathan Bernays:
Well, that wasn't James. That was somebody else whose name, senior moment, escapes me.

Michael Small:
But anyway, Fiona, was there another one? more.

Fiona Harris:
1968 for sale. Perfume soap or dishwashing liquid. Give me a small bottle and I'll fill it up for 10 cents. Contact James Hartford 5W or call 75148. I've now memorized his phone number.

Michael Small:
The question is, did he expect that people would use dishwashing liquid as their perfume soap?

Sally Libby:
Is he a salesman today?

Michael Small:
He became a lawyer. And a variety of other things. But we have one more classified from Mr. Bernays. Could you share that with us?

Jonathan Bernays:
Lost one blue Lindy pen cap on end. Some guy Bernays in 5C.

Michael Small:
Did anybody find that pen?

Sally Libby:
I hope so.

Michael Small:
On to Connie. I believe that you have something about the faculty, don't you? We had a meet your faculty section where we profiled different teachers. And I think you're gonna read a small excerpt from that, right?

Connie Reisdorf:
Yes. Let's see. Meet your faculty. Two female teachers were profiled in the Fifth Grade Focus. One liked dramatics and skiing and she was pretty. Who was it?

Sally Libby:
Can I guess?

Michael Small:
Yes.

Sally Libby:
Miss Rosie?

Connie Reisdorf:
It was Miss Leslie Rosie, exactly. Yes. Another went to Boston University and liked swimming, painting, watching baseball and math and science.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Who was that? Mrs. Wilbur?

Connie Reisdorf:
Yes.

Michael Small:
Okay. You people are amazing. Applaud yourselves. Yeah. The memory from 57 years ago.

Fiona Harris:
Beautiful.

Michael Small:
Thank you, Connie. There was also a gossip column where it was noted that Jeanie Smith and I were among eight winners of the good posture contest. I was not being held up by my mouse suit at the time. I was just being me. I always wanted to win everything I could. And then, you know, Alicia Heine and Lisa Lombardi recovered from their illnesses and would be back in school real soon. And as I mentioned, there was a lot of focus on me in this magazine because it also mentioned that I won a contest at the Pickle Barrel Delicatessen in Peabody to see who could come the closest in guessing the weight of a giant salami. And I won tickets to see the Harlem Magicians basketball team play at Peabody High School.

Sally Libby:
Wait a minute, the Harlem Globetrotters?

Michael Small:
No, they were called the Harlem Magicians. The Globetrotters were a little too good for what I was gonna win.

Sally Libby:
Okay, more professional.

Michael Small:
And Fiona was mentioned because she got a glimpse of campus life when she traveled to the University of Massachusetts to bring her sister home for the holidays. Remember that, Fiona?

Fiona Harris:
I do, I do. I cried every time she went. And then I cried every time she came home.

Michael Small:
You would not have been thinking about this if it hadn't been for me saving the Fifth Grade Focus.

Fiona Harris:
I know.

Michael Small:
So you're welcome.

Fiona Harris:
Thank you, Michael. That's a lovely memory.

Michael Small:
Now we're putting the spotlight on you again, which is that you had your column called Ask Fi, and this was an advice column. We don't know who wrote the questions, but I assigned questions to different people and they're going to ask the questions. You're going to read your answer and then you can tell us if you would still answer it the same way today. Let's start with Kathryn.

Kathryn Roy:
My mother buys clothes that make me look like a baby. She doesn't realize I am almost grown up. Sometimes I feel like taking all my things and putting them in the Goodwill box for the poor people.

Fiona Harris:
Signed Old-Fashioned. Dear Old-Fashioned, Mother knows best. Maybe you can give your mother hints about the kinds of clothes you would like to wear. I'm sure you can compromise on something. If not, you will have to wait until you are old enough to buy your own clothes with your own money.

Michael Small:
What do think of your advice, Fiona? I don't think I would change it that much. Do you remember when were we allowed to wear trousers or pants to school for girls? We weren't then.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Junior high.

Connie Reisdorf:
Eighth grade.

Sally Libby:
I remember in sixth grade wearing them.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
You did?

Fiona Harris:
In the winter time, I think we could wear them to school. But didn't they have to come off?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yeah, we had to take them off.

Sally Libby:
Really?

Fiona Harris:
Yes. Because I walked to school. So we walked in the snow. By the time we got to school, our legs were freezing. So we did wear snow pants and all that, but it was very unpleasant.

Sally Libby:
That's draconian.

Michael Small:
Now we're really sounding like old people. I walked five miles in the snow to get to school.

Fiona Harris:
Mine was a mile, one mile.

Michael Small:
I would say Fiona was wise beyond her years, which is why she had the advice column.

Sally Libby:
Yeah, but you know what she should have called it? Ask FOR a fee.

Fiona Harris:
Very clever, Sally.

Michael Small:
All right, well, we'll go to our next question for Fiona, Connie.

Connie Reisdorf:
Dear Fi, everyone else likes to play rough games. They have offered to let me play, but they are too rough for me. Should I play anyway or be a sissy? Signed, Coward.

Fiona Harris:
The answer I wrote was, Dear Coward, As I see it, you have two choices. Either find people who like to play soft games or get some bruises playing rough games and toughen up. I don't think I changed the answer that much now. How would other people answer this question?

Jonathan Bernays:
Well, I think there is a definite gender difference. Particularly the sissy part suggests that maybe this was written by a boy who was feeling a little insecure. But I'll just say as an aside, I started listing people I could remember and I realized they're all boys. I mean, except for Nancy and Kathryn and Connie actually, and you Fiona, because I remember because you were tall. What I remember is that girls were just a mystery. So they sort of didn't come into your world very much in fifth grade. And so the answer to this question would have been, well, you're just playing with guys, so, you know, stuff happens. Whereas maybe it was different from the other side. Does anybody else have sort of a gendered memory of what it was like to be, you know, fifth grade back then?

Connie Reisdorf:
I do, because we had a kickball game that had both boys and girls in it. And it was some of the most fun that anybody had ever had. And the school shut it down because it was just ghastly that the girls and boys were playing together is what I remember.

Sally Libby:
Yes.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yeah. We were forbidden.

Fiona Harris:
Yeah. Yes.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yeah. that was fun.

Connie Reisdorf:
And it didn't last. It was ongoing. It would have it would it would continue. We keep score from day to day. And we tried to sneak to the very back corner of the playground so they couldn't see us. And they found us and shut it down again. I remember that.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Yes.

Sally Libby:
Yes.

Michael Small:
Didn't things get a lot looser her in sixth grade. That's what I remember. I know that I wore turquoise bell bottoms to school and Mrs. Balcomb took me in the back room and said, do your parents know you wore those? No, I just sneaked them in. But anyway, it seemed like things, I think the hippie thing was happening by sixth grade.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Not in my house.

Connie Reisdorf:
Mine too.

Michael Small:
Anyway, Fiona, you were wonderful at giving advice.

Sally Libby:
So practical and logical.

Michael Small:
And you still are. We're glad we're back in touch with you and we'll be sending our questions to you for our adult version.

Fiona Harris:
Please do. A fee for Fi.

Michael Small:
One of the best things in this magazine was The Roving Reporter. A question would be asked of all the students and they would give answers. Kathryn, you have one of these. Do you want to share it with us?

Kathryn Roy:
Okay. Do you think children today show enough respect for adults? 87 fifth graders. 14 said yes, 70 said no, two said sometimes, and one had no opinion.

Fiona Harris:
That was you, Sally.

Michael Small:
And do you have any excerpts of what people actually said?

Kathryn Roy:
Yeah, among those who said no, we have too much freedom, children just don't care, they think that they are so great, children are too fresh and snippy, and teenagers drop out of college, smoke, drink, become hippies and beatniks. They think they are big shots, they riot and have late parties. They don't care what their parents think.

Michael Small:
Okay. I think that gives us a sample of the mindset. Let's see, Connie, you have one. Can you give us your Roving Reporter?

Connie Reisdorf:
Yes. Should boys and girls help out around the house? Again, 86 fifth graders answered 90 % yes, 7 % no, 3 % sometimes. Among those who said yes: You are fed so you should earn your keep. Work is part of a child's world too. And then among those who said no, we have: I hate work and mothers can do it. And no, because I am a boy.

Sally Libby:
Jonathan, did you write that?

Jonathan Bernays:
I did not. That would not have flown in my house.

Michael Small:
We have one more. I think Nancy, you have it. Can you share yours?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
It was clearly the same population. The question is, are you in favor of long hair for boys? 86 fifth graders polled. Yes, said 31. No, 37. Maybe 18. Among those who said yes: They will not get earaches. I want hair as long as the Beatles. Girls will like them better. Yes, if they wear their hair long to honor great men. And, it's all right, but don't let it overpower you. Among those who said no: Boys would look like hippies, like beatniks. Boys look like girls with baby faces. It looks shabby. Boys with long hair are looking for trouble. Hence girls will like them better.

Michael Small:
So, you know, you learned a little bit of sociology from these magazines I saved. Another thing that was in there, people were asked to list things that were embarrassing for them. Kathy, do you have an embarrassing experience?

Kathryn Roy:
Embarrassing is when the teacher sends you to the office and you forget the message.

Michael Small:
And you wrote that?

Kathryn Roy:
I did.

Michael Small:
Do you still feel that way?

Kathryn Roy:
Not for a while. Not for a while.

Michael Small:
Fiona, do you have an embarrassing experience?

Fiona Harris:
Many. Let's see, fifth grade. Jean Padgen asked me to shut her in one of the lockers to see if she could get out. So I did. I walked away. Went back into class, sat down, and Mrs. Balcomb came by. She goes, who put you in there? And she said Fiona. So I was down to Mr. Miller's office for that one. That was embarrassing. boy.

Michael Small:
That's better than anything that was in the magazine, I hate to tell you. There are also a lot of poems in this magazine. John, would you read us one of your poems?

Jonathan Bernays:
Sure.

Snow.
Sparkling snow has a
lovely dazzling glamorous
Majestic beauty

End of poem.

Michael Small:
Yeah, I think it was a haiku was it?

Jonathan Bernays:
It was.

Michael Small:
Look at the vocabulary on that guy in fifth grade.

Jonathan Bernays:
I must have had access to a thesaurus.

Fiona Harris:
Very impressive.

Michael Small:
Do you have another one John?

Jonathan Bernays:
I do.

Seasons
Seasons are so different
Each with its own temperament
Some are cold while summer's hot
But all are fun
As likely as not fifth grade

Fiona Harris:
That's lovely.

Michael Small:
We also had a lot of book reviews and I believe Sally had a book review for the Diary of Anne Frank and she had an unusual take on that book. Sally, do you want to share your little bit of that with us?

Sally Libby:
Okay. This was a wonderful book. Sad at the end, but very interesting. Anne was quite smart. She had her problems, but they were different from other people's. She liked to be left alone. When Anne told her opinions to her elders, they said they didn't need her ideas. It seemed as though Anne was picked on too much.

Michael Small:
Which is such an interesting fifth grade take on that book. Because what Sally got out of it was not the larger world issues. That wasn't the primary thing for her. The primary thing was how a young girl was treated by her family. Very different perspective. And then we had editorials. In the March 1968 issue, John and I wrote a medical evaluation of an illness that we called Spring Fever. And I think our editorial was meant to be satirical. We listed symptoms like wearing shorts instead of slacks.

Fiona Harris:
Yes.

Michael Small:
And rapping fingers on desks. And the treatment we wrote, listen to this, some parents believe in no medicine and letting nature take its course while other parents believe in the belt, much to the child's discomfort. That was what John and I observed about spring fever. And we ended up with a moral: If you think you suffer from this illness, do the best you can. It will eventually wear off. We also did a diatribe against bus patrols. Anyone remember the bus patrols would tell you what you couldn't, couldn't do?

And one of the lines in that was, the way the bus patrols manage the buses makes you feel like a bull in a china shop. John, was that your line or mine?

Jonathan Bernays:
I'll credit you with this.

Michael Small:
So before we decide what I should do with the play and those magazines, we have one more thing to accomplish. As it turns out, I am not the only person who saves things. And a few people here are willing to prove that point. Connie, what treasure did you save from elementary school?

Connie Reisdorf:
Well... it's from, I don't know what paper, I'm assuming maybe the Tri Town Transcript. Awards assembly at Proctor, and it's a picture that has Mark Leonard, Ricky Sutton, wearing his bus patrol sash, and myself, Fiona and Laura McKay, and it was the recipients of Youth Physical Fitness Awards.

Michael Small:
So tell us Connie, why do you think you saved this?

Connie Reisdorf:
I don't know. It was probably the one time I was in the paper, I guess.

Fiona Harris:
Connie and I both won the presidential award in fitness. I do remember President Kennedy started this and it was a huge undertaking across the country to get American students healthy and fit. Yes. And because of that, Connie and I were asked to be assistant gym teachers.

Sally Libby:
Lucky you two.

Fiona Harris:
With the kindergartners in the first grade and I remember that as being quite an honor.

Connie Reisdorf:
You felt that was an honor? I felt that I was missing science class.

Michael Small:
You were clearly excited to be in a newspaper. Are you going to keep that?

Connie Reisdorf:
Well it's digital now so it really isn't like a big effort.

Michael Small:
So that's the answer. It's digital so you can just keep that file.

Connie Reisdorf:
Yeah.

Michael Small:
All right well that's a lesson that I should learn. Nancy you had some books from first grade.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
I did. Sally, do I remember correctly that you also had Mrs. Strohmeyer for first grade?

Sally Libby:
Yes.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
She was the most wonderful teacher.

Sally Libby:
Was so wonderful.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
And so she was retiring at the end of the year and she had a big bookshelf and she wanted to give away her books by the end of the year. So we had weekly spelling bees. And if you won a spelling bee, I think first and second places, you got to choose a book and she would inscribe inside to to Nancy Simms from Nettie Strohmeyer.

Sally Libby:
That's right.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
And I still have three of those books. And I remember, Sally, you won a lot of those spelling bees too. We tended to alternate.

Sally Libby:
I even remember the book I got. It was The Gingerbread Rabbit. But do you know, she offered money. She said, you can have $6 or the book.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
That's right.

Sally Libby:
I remember hearing my mother in my head, take the book, take the book. So of course I took the book. I always took the book. Yes. I didn't want to be crass in first grade.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Right. I have Winnie the Pooh and two picture storybooks.

Michael Small:
And what are you going to do with them?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Keep them. They're falling apart and I love them.

Michael Small:
Do you ever look at them?

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Well, I looked at them when you wrote this email.

Michael Small:
Okay, good. There we go. Now, Fiona, you showed me something amazing. What is it you have saved?

Fiona Harris:
I found a couple of items. One is this photograph.

Mrs. Dobrenchuk purchased a parachute for the Proctor School. It became an exercise. We'd lift it up in the air. It made us work together because we'd have to lift the parachute up in the air as we all held onto it. It was probably about, what would you say, 40 feet across? Yeah. And we'd lift it up and go underneath. And then we'd lift it up again and come out. It was a lot of fun.

Michael Small:
And are you going to keep this?

Fiona Harris:
Absolutely.

Michael Small:
What happens when your days are getting towards the later stage? Will that thing get thrown out?

Fiona Harris:
My children will have to frame it and put it on their walls.

Sally Libby:
You will force them to.

Fiona Harris:
But I just wanted to show one more thing that I do keep in my jewelry box. I've found this. It says Ford, punt, pass and kick. Participant. I competed. I was the only girl who competed in Topsfield and I was invited to Andover to compete. My dad was in the Army Reserve, so he couldn't take me. He was in Virginia running a military camp whenever this happened. So I was taken by Bob Nippy's dad, and we drove to Andover. And because I was quite tall, a number of the dads there said, no, we're not going to let our kids compete against the girls. So I came home.

Michael Small:
What's going to happen with that patch?

Fiona Harris:
I'll probably give it to one of my daughters if they want it, but I'm not getting rid of it.

Michael Small:
Well, I guess I can't put it off any longer. We have to decide what to do with our fifth grade play. Should the play be kept or should it be shredded? What should happen to the one remaining copy of that play with the hippie drawn on the back of it?

Kathryn Roy:
Digitize it and send it around.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Agreed.

Michael Small:
There you go.

Jonathan Bernays:
Yeah, I agree.

Michael Small:
And then shred it?

Kathryn Roy:
Yeah.

Fiona Harris:
Or give it to the Smithsonian.

Michael Small:
Now the Smithsonian might be more interested in the Fifth Grade Focus, which had those wonderful sociological questions that we all answered. What are your thoughts about the Fifth Grade Focus?

Kathryn Roy:
I wouldn't mind seeing the whole thing. Why don't you digitize that too?

Michael Small:
Well, it's a lot of pages.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Have you talked to the Topsfield Historical Society?

Michael Small:
Great idea. That's what old friends do for you. They give you guidance. I'm like a mouse who had to get direction from these other fifth graders.

Fiona Harris:
I would love to buy a copy and then we could get James Hartford to sell them.

Sally Libby:
Bet he'd do a great job.

Michael Small:
Before we sign off, does anybody have any other thoughts about what we learned from looking at these things and thinking about our past?

Jonathan Bernays:
This is Jonathan. I'll just jump in and say, since leaving Topsfield, it's become apparent to me that Topsfield didn't give us the widest view of the variety that's in the larger world. And that was apparent in some of what we reviewed in what we wrote as fifth graders. When I went to college and looked out on a sea of yarmulkes and realized that there were actually Jews in the world, more than the two that were in Topsfield, I began to realize how, shall we say, homogeneous Topsfield was. And when I converted to Judaism, got a wholly different perspective. And so I'd just like to say it was really interesting to go back into this slice of the world and with all of you and sort of remember what it was like to have that very narrow but quite rich view of the world. And then think about how we've all expanded on our outlooks and perspectives since then.

Michael Small:
Thank you so much for saying that. That is the whole point of saving things that bring us back with a new perspective. To look at the past and learn who we were, who we've become, and what we discovered during our lifetimes, which, you know, let's face it, we're at the later side of our lifetimes.

Jonathan Bernays:
Halfway point.

Fiona Harris:
This is Fiona. I would like to say that for many of us, we started out in kindergarten together, and I left and went away to high school somewhere else, but I really feel our values as children and our mores and the way we view the world, of what is right and wrong, is definitely formed by fifth grade. And it's what you learn with your parents and your family, but it's reinforced by your classmates and your friends. And I look at the people here and I can think of all the people that we shared our lives with at Proctor School were extraordinarily wonderfully kind, good, hardworking, honest people. And I feel very blessed to have had that childhood in Topsfield.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
And I think so many of us spent our entire childhoods in one place. And in a small town like Topsfield, I felt known and it was wonderful. mean, my husband grew up in Los Angeles and went to the second largest high school in the country and moved frequently within Los Angeles. So he never knew that. I don't think I fully appreciated it until I left Topsfield.

Michael Small:
Connie, what about you? Do you look back favorably on those times?

Connie Reisdorf:
I don't know if I remember too much of it. It's been really nice to see all of you because not having brothers and sisters and sort of that continued connection to that time period, that this has been really nice. I think that for me really just kind of vanished like Topsfield when I moved away, kind of just faded away. This has been a nice opportunity to think about that.

Michael Small:
I love the things that are still very much the way they were. When I close my eyes and I hear Fiona speak, it is exactly the same person that I remember, even with a little Boston accent in there. Your voice is like the same and Connie, if I saw you smile, I'd know that it was you. It's 57 years later and I can see these things in all of you. It's really amazing to see this through line with all of you. So I guess that wraps it up. We've decided on the fate of my treasures. I've saved for 57 years. Mission accomplished. Sally, any final word?

Sally Libby:
Well, I think we should give thanks to our amazing fifth grade teachers and to all fifth grade teachers who put extra time and thought into educating the rest of us. What you gave us has lasted much longer than Michael's mouse costume. We thank you for it.

Michael Small:
And by the way, if any of our listeners have saved precious objects since fifth grade, we hope you'll tell us about them and we may share them on our website. Send us an email by clicking the contact button that's at the top of every page of our website at throwitoutpodcast.com.

Sally Libby:
We'll also post photos of our guests and all the saved fifth grade treasures, including Michael's Mary Poppins hippie drawing on our website, also at throwitoutpodcast.com.

Michael Small:
Thank you to our five pals who joined us to make this happen. I truly hope that we do not see you in another 57 years.

Sally Libby:
But it would be nice to see you anytime before then. Bye, everyone.

Fiona Harris:
Bye.

Michael Small:
Thank you.

Jonathan Bernays:
Bye.

Nancy Simms Sofen:
Thank you.

[Theme song begins]

I Couldn't Throw It Out theme song
Performed by Don Rauf, Boots Kamp and Jen Ayers
Written by Don Rauf and Michael Small
Produced and arranged by Boots Kamp

Look up that stairway
To my big attic
Am I a hoarder
Or am I a fanatic?

Decades of stories
Memories stacked
There is a redolence
Of some irrelevant facts

Well, I couldn't throw it out
I had to scream and shout
It all seems so unjust
But still I know I must
Before I turn to dust
I've got to throw it out
Before I turn to dust
I've got to throw it out

Well I couldn't throw it out
Oh, I couldn't throw it out

I'll sort through my possessions
In these painful sessions
I guess this is what it's about
The poems, cards and papers
The moldy musty vapors
I just gotta sort it out

Well I couldn't throw it out
Well I couldn't throw it out
Oh, I couldn't throw it out
I couldn't throw it out

[Theme song ends]

END TRANSCRIPT